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Every Blogpost Ever



Enter with an open-ended philosophical hook ever so slightly controversial so as to engage but not enrage the reader. 

Proceed with a relatable personal anecdote, adding a seemingly witty remark with minimal context that certainly won’t humor the reader but rather perplex and likely disappoint them. Follow-up with an entirely random connection to the prompt. Pursue an “underlying meaning” to everything mentioned so far that is ultimately a realization more basic than a pumpkin spice latte. Mention a standard piece of English literature in an attempt to get brownie points from the teacher and play it safe when she’s really cringing at the surface-level analysis.

Suddenly realize that this blog is going nowhere and smash your head on the keyboard wgqifvtcfoxbtispbguchdbfo. Insert a Pinterest worthy rhetorical question.

Dramatic. Single. Words. Dodge the rhetorical question as much as possible and leave the reader in an existential crisis while simultaneously questioning your intellect for not being able to complete such a basic task. Cry because you’re incompetent.

Incorporate a poorly written metaphor that can be excused as “open to interpretation”. Resort to a made-up counterclaim easy to rebuttal against even though there is likely no one that would hold an opposing viewpoint—yet another reminder your thoughts are as generic as Walmart branded vanilla ice cream in a gray Toyota Corolla.

End with a bold closing vague enough so you can recycle it in future posts with virtually any other prompt. 

Submit it at 4:00 am. Grade? 9/10. Why after all that effort? Ya basic. Hotel? Trivago.



*Slightly inspired by Every Fight Ever (Studio C) and How to Sound Smart in Your TEDx Talk

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