ABCD (American-Born Confused Desi)

To those that aren't American born, or Desi, and are just confused, this stereotype refers to those of South Asian descent who speak broken Hindi, Tamil, etc. It's those who get scammed by local vendors in their country because they don't know any better and/or the vendors smell your fresh American blood. Those who can't cross the streets alone because the roads are too threatening with motorcycles and rickshaws in every direction. Those who order the spiciest of foods not realizing how weak their tolerance level is in their American body. 

I was curious how other Indians felt on this term I find rather hilarious, so I scrolled on Quora for some unhinged opinions as I usually do when I find myself in the inescapable depths of the internet. 

"the majority of us Desi-Americans are redefining what it means to be an ABCD. We have changed it from American Born CONFUSED Desi to American Born CONFIDENT Desi."

Yes...but not really.

I personally find this label true to a certain extent. American-born Desis never actually get the authentic experience their parents or grandparents have. You can surround yourself with an entirely Desi community in the U.S. but it will never equate to actually living in these countries. In fact, growing up in Troy where many South Asians reside, I've come to realize that many of them really are confused. Among Indians, we fight so desperately to prove our identity, we compete to seem less white compared to others. 

"You call your dad 'dad'? You're so white."

"Yeah I'm gonna wear a lehenga. It's like a skirt type dress...sorry! You're just so white-washed I had to assume..."

It's embarrassing and frankly shameful to receive these comments. To be white-washed is deliberately assimilating into Western society and humiliated by nonwhite culture. When I go to India I am mercilessly ridiculed over my American tendencies. Being Indian American means being uncultured. Privileged. Ignorant. Superficial.

Yet when I try to test the waters of my heritage I end up drowning in it. I'm trying too hard when I attempt to speak Marathi because my accent will never be 'pure'. I once heard this Punjabi girl say "did you see what she was wearing? Like she knows this is an American school right, that dress was too Indian you can't do that..." 

How can us American-born Desis not be confused? We'll never experience genuine South Asian culture according to both Desis and other American-born Desis so we'll never be truly South Asian. But as an Indian American that speaks "Hindu or whatever" (as my teacher likes to say) I'll never be seen as truly American either. I'm going through a literal identity crisis. 

I will never not be confused over my cultural identity. Sure, some may be confident like Nina Kaur on Quora here, but a lot of us are still confused. The light-hearted title does hurt, but changing it only brushes over the issue and teaches people that it isn't okay to be confused. 

So to my immigrant parents, my relatives born and raised in India, all the Indian Americans in Troy that try to teach me how to be Indian, 

I guess I am an ABCD.